Domestic violence is not just physical violence, there are many other ways a partner can be abusive. Abuse is not exclusive to heterosexual relationships, LGBTQ+ domestic violence happens just as often. View the Power and Control Wheel to learn the different types of abuse. If you are in need of support contact The Shelter at 800-931-7233. In an Emergency dial 9-1-1.
LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence –
- Pushing, shoving, hitting.
- Biting, twisting arms, tripping.
- Grabbing, punching, kicking.
- Choking, pulling hair, slapping.
- Being in a relationship is not consent.
- No means no.
- Yes means yes.
Using Coercion & Threats:
- Making and/or carrying our threats to do something to harm you.
- Threatening to leave or commit suicide.
- Driving recklessly to frighten you.
- Threatening to “out” you.
- Threatening others who are important to you.
- Making you afraid by using looks, gestures, actions.
- Smashing things.
- Abusing pets.
- Displaying weapons.
- Using looks, actions, gestures to reinforce homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic control.
Using Emotional Abuse:
- Putting you down.
- Making you feel bad about yourself.
- Calling you names.
- Playing mind games.
- Making you feel guilty.
- Humiliating you.
- Questioning if you are a “real” lesbian, “real” man, “real” woman, “real” femme, “real” butch, etc.
- Reinforcing internalized homophobia, biphobia, or transphobia.
- Controlling what you do, who you see or talk to.
- Limiting your outside activities.
- Using jealousy to control you.
- Making you account for your whereabouts.
- Saying no one will believe you, especially not if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans.
- Not letting you go anywhere alone.
Denying, Minimizing, & Blaming:
- Making light of the abuse.
- Saying it didn’t happen.
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior.
- Saying it is your fault, you deserved it.
- Accusing you of “mutual abuse”.
- Saying women can’t abuse women / men can’t abuse men.
- Saying it’s just “fighting” not abuse.
- Making you feel guilty about the children.
- Using children to relay messages.
- Threatening to take the children.
- Threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans to they will take the children.
- Treating you like a servant.
- Making all the big decisions.
- Being the one to define each partners’ roles or duties in the relationship.
- Using privilege or ability to “pass” to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your access to resources, or use the system against you.
Using Economic Abuse:
- Preventing you from getting or keeping a job.
- Making you ask for money.
- Interfering with work or education.
- Using your credit cards without permission.
- Not working and requiring you to provide support.
- Keeping your name off joint assets.